


Physical Intimacy

by greenieboy



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Cuddling, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Starts pre-relationship, background data/geordi, serious cuddling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenieboy/pseuds/greenieboy
Summary: Deanna and Beverly find comfort in physical intimacy. Maybe they find a little more...
Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Deanna Troi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 67





	1. quarters, part i

**Author's Note:**

> hi i have never written star trek fanfic in my life but listen, i tried. i did research into this fic man, and i've been binging the series. these ladies are everything. no beta, please enjoy

Away missions did not usually have such an impact on her. She was a doctor; it was her responsibility to remain calm in the face of disaster and do her job. Beverly trained her eyes on the screen of the padd, on her report. She only had so much as a paragraph written. She just couldn’t focus. Sighing, she dropped the padd onto her desk and glanced around her office. She was aware she needed to calm down. But as the moments wore on, as Beverly tried method after method (that didn’t involve leaving the office or sickbay) to calm herself, it was becoming apparent that normal coping skills were not effective here. She contemplated taking the rest of her shift off; Alyssa was more than capable of managing sickbay until the shift change. Beverly frowned, knowing time off would only give way to more opportunities for her thoughts to… fester. No, that wouldn’t do. Beverly wasn’t entirely sure what to do. But she just couldn’t get those images out of her head. Maybe she needed to talk to someone about all of this. The thought crossed her mind for only an instant before Beverly was rising from her seat and leaving her office.

She left Ogawa in charge of sickbay and asserted that she was only going to see Counselor Troi - for how long, she was unsure. She rounded a corner, approaching the turbolift. There were few officers in the corridors, and Beverly waved to a particularly anxious ensign on her way. Deanna’s office was on deck eight, and while that didn’t warrant the longest wait in the lift, Beverly could feel herself growing increasingly on edge in the enclosed space. What if she was overreacting? She shook her head; questioning herself was a sure sign she wasn’t. The turbolift doors slid open, Beverly tried to walk with a purpose as she approached the counselor’s office. Standing just outside, she hoped the woman didn’t have a session. Maybe Beverly should have checked before barging down here. Maybe she should return to sickbay. Maybe she  _ was _ overreacting.

Then the doors to Deanna’s office opened without prompting, the Betazoid standing with her arms folded on the other side of the doorway. “I could sense you thinking yourself in circles, Beverly,” she said, a slight smile on her lips. Of course she could sense Beverly; she probably knew already why Beverly was here. “Why don’t you come in?” Beverly nodded and entered, feeling very unsure of herself in this… environment. She hardly ever came to Deanna as a patient. Beverly preferred their relationship to be friends first, and counselor and patient as seldom as possible. Perhaps that was why she felt so incongruous. And of course, Deanna could sense that too. “You don’t have to feel so out of place, Beverly.”

Beverly nodded, crossing her arms over her chest as she glanced around the office. “Yes, I… I know,” she replied, and she gave Deanna a tight-lipped smile. She looked to the couch, and then to Deanna, and back to the couch, and once more she felt unsure. “Should I sit, or…?”

Deanna approached her, eyes carefully unreadable. “You can,” said the empath. “Or we can stand if that makes you more comfortable.”

“I’m not sure I know what would make me comfortable,” Beverly said, and she knew Deanna didn’t have to be an empath to pick up on the irritation laced in her tone. She walked the distance to the couch and fell back onto it. Deanna made a face and followed her. Silence fell between them, and Beverly felt acutely aware that Deanna expected her to say something. She glanced at her friend. “I don’t mean to be so…” She gestured, flicking her wrist out before bringing her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. Inhaling deeply, she looked at Deanna. “I just - I don’t think I’ve ever been so…  _ affected… _ by an away mission before.”

Deanna tilted her head before nodding. “It was a particularly trying away mission,” she affirmed, hands clasped on her knee. She looked Beverly directly in the eyes “Things get to the best of us. It happens. And it’s okay to talk about it.”

Beverly nodded. “I know that,” said the doctor, shaking her head. “But something tells me that… talking about this won’t make me feel much better.”

“How do you mean?” Asked Deanna, and she could hear the concern in the empath’s voice.

Beverly fidgeted with her fingers. “I was working on my report, and going into the details over and over, thinking about  _ why _ everything made me feel the way I do… it only seemed to make me feel worse.”

Deanna adjusted herself, shifting closer to Beverly. “Well, what do you think would make you feel better?"

“I…” Beverly began, gazing up into Deanna’s eyes. The deep, dark color of them made her speaking abilities fumble for a moment, and she barely managed a shrug. “I think I just want comfort. Real, genuine comfort.” Deanna nodded, eyes falling to the floor as her expression changed to one of deep thought. Beverly exhaled, leaning back against the couch.

“Many humans find comfort in more physical ways when they find they cannot verbalize their emotions,” said Deanna finally. Beverly’s eyebrows rose as her eyes widened.

“Deanna…” She uttered with a small smile, trying to withhold an incredulous laugh. Her cheeks must have been bright red, and she felt a bit scandalized.

Deanna swatted her arm lightly, smiling. “You know I did not mean anything like  _ that,” _ she said. Beverly chuckled, shaking her head. Deanna hummed. “I meant physical affection. Being held.”

“You’re telling me that I need to…  _ cuddle _ someone, in order to deal with how I’m feeling?” Beverly questioned, and something about hearing that statement out loud made it sound rather silly and yet… somewhat tempting. She thought about the idea, having someone hold her, and it was appealing. She thought about who would hold her, and her mind conjured the image of  _ Deanna _ holding her. Beverly dismissed the thought as quickly as it came to her.

“No, I’m recommending that you cuddle someone until you’re ready to deal with how you’re feeling,” Deanna corrected, a satisfied smile on her lips.

Beverly scoffed, clicking her tongue. “Great. Except for one issue: I don’t know who on earth I would ask such a favor.”

“You could always ask Data,” offered Deanna.

Beverly quirked one of her eyebrows. “I don’t know how comfortable I would feel cuddling Commander Data.”

Deanna thought for a second. “How about Geordi?” 

That earned a laugh from Beverly. “I don’t know how comfortable Data would feel with Geordi cuddling me.”

Deanna tipped her head. “He is… somewhat possessive of Geordi, in the way an android would be possessive,” she admitted. She thought again, and when she opened her mouth to offer another suggestion, Beverly cut her off.

“If you say Will Riker, I will not treat you to chocolate sundaes ever again.”

“I was going to say Captain Picard,” Deanna said smugly, before her expression shifted. Her eyes were doe-look now, big and imploring. “You weren’t serious about that, though, were you?”

Beverly chuckled, placing a hand on Deanna’s cheek for a brief moment. “Of course I wasn’t serious,” she replied. Then she shook her head. “And I don’t think I want to put Jean-Luc in that sort of position.” She sighed. There really were no options for her, if she truly wanted to go this route of… comfort. She didn’t have to do this, but being held did sound nice.  _ Very _ nice. Shaking her head once more, she stood up and turned to Deanna. “I might just schedule the holodeck and create a cuddling program, if I have to.”

Rising to her feet, Deanna laughed and neared Beverly, smiling. “I don’t think you need to go that far. Let’s not forget what happens when we turn to the holodeck for comfort,” she reminded Beverly, and Barclay’s name hung in the silence between them. Then, Deanna placed a hand on Beverly’s shoulder. “Besides, my shift ends in less than fifteen minutes and I don’t have any other appointments. I'd be happy to help." The doctor was quiet. "I may be the counselor, but I’m your friend too.” Beverly made to brush her off, but of all the possible options, Deanna did seem to be the best.

Beverly thought it over, but inside, she knew she couldn’t really refuse such an offer. So she said after a moment, “Your quarters or mine? I’d rather not be held in your office.”

Deanna smiled, clearly pleased as she took Beverly’s hand. Already the contact was soothing. Or perhaps that was just Deanna. “Let’s go with your quarters. You’ll feel more comfortable in your own space.” They left the office, Deanna guiding Beverly through the corridors by her hand. Their fingers were entangled, and it was such a pleasant feeling that Beverly could feel a warmth in her chest that radiated boldly. She thought briefly that perhaps she was a tad touch starved. If her good friend holding her hand like this brought out such intense feelings, who knew what being held by said friend would bring about. Beverly felt somewhat anxious as she once more entered the turbolift, with Deanna in tow, and the reassuring squeeze the counselor gave her hand only served to calm her and remind her that her emotions were not as private as usual. Beverly was aware that she often had a “wall” of sorts up when Deanna was around. She liked her emotions to be her own, and she had gotten pretty damn good at blocking out her feelings since… Jack. It wasn’t necessarily the best way of coping, but it had worked for Beverly for long enough now.

Deanna led her down the hallway to her quarters as soon as the turbolift opened, and Beverly could feel the anticipation mounting. She was glad her quarters weren’t so far off from the turbolift doors, or else she would have driven herself mad overthinking. Instead, she opened the doors and entered, Deanna following behind her, into the sitting room. She watched the empath seat herself on the sofa.

“So how exactly do we go about this?” Asked Beverly. She hadn’t moved past the entryway.

Deanna shrugged. “However you’d like,” she replied easily, smiling. She tilted her head. “How do you prefer to be held?”

Beverly exhaled shortly, surprised. “Now that is a question,” she said, crossing the room to sit beside Deanna. “I… I don’t really know. I just like to be held.”

Deanna nodded, taking Beverly with her dark eyes. Slowly, carefully, she extended her hand, saying, “May I?” Beverly nodded, barely, and allowed Deanna to guide her, position her. She ended up with her cheek on Deanna’s collarbone, her arms tucked between their two bodies, and the empath’s arms encircling her body and holding her close. Beverly felt stiff for a moment, shoulders tense, jaw flexed, eyes staring blankly at the wall as her friend held her as if she were set on denying herself the comfort offered. But Deanna’s warmth couldn’t be easily resisted, and Beverly felt herself soften in the embrace. It was as though she had melted in the counselor’s arms, body giving up its fight in favor of something far better. She really  _ was _ touch starved. Deanna chuckled quietly, and one of her hands toyed with Beverly's hair, combing her fingers through the red locks, massaging her scalp lightly. Beverly exhaled loudly, feeling calm for once. Her mind went quiet, and she felt so at ease she could have fallen asleep. Except her arms weren't terribly comfortable tucked up against her chest. So she took a deep breath and adjusted herself, arms wrapping around Deanna’s waist. The counselor smiled softly with a huff of air, and Beverly felt content. She tried not to nestle her face into Deanna’s neck, but the woman held her a bit tighter, so Beverly allowed herself to nestle. Just a smidge. Closing her eyes, she unfurled the mess of emotions in her head and allowed them to form into words she could say at some point.

She couldn’t say how long they stayed like that, her and Deanna. Time felt immaterial. Like it simply didn’t exist. Beverly thought she wouldn’t mind if Geordi or someone had screwed something up in engineering so badly that led to the extending of this moment for… well, for a long while. Perhaps a little warp bubble created out of this moment. Beverly was actually not a fan of warp bubbles, but the thought made her chuckled to herself. She felt Deanna smile; when had she started resting her chin on Beverly’s head?

“What are you thinking about?” Deanna asked her.

Beverly chuckled, a bit louder now. “Warp bubbles,” she said.

“That could have been a very traumatizing experience, you know,” Deanna commented, but her tone seemed lighter than when she was counseling.

“Oh hush, I’m alright,” Beverly replied, rolling her eyes barely.

Deanna nodded, but she said nothing more. Until: “I was terribly worried for you.”

“Were you?”

Deanna hummed. “Mhm.”

Beverly didn’t know what else to say. She glanced up at Deanna, who was looking at her. They shared a smile, Deanna’s soft and bright, and Beverly’s timid and sweet. “I thought this was supposed to help me express my feelings,” she joked quietly.

Deanna chuckled. “Physical intimacy is not one-side, Beverly.” Beverly nodded, and finally, she thought about her day. The away mission. Deanna’s arms around her tightened once more, and Beverly knew the empath could sense the emotions swirling inside her. “Speak when you’re ready,” she told Beverly reassuringly, and her hands stroked the doctor’s back slowly, comfortingly.

Beverly inhaled. “Okay.”


	2. quarters, part ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta, again so i’m sorry for any mistakes. also i wrote this at like 4am and i think it’s fine but it’s sorta subpar compared to the first chapter. whatever tho, hope u enjoy

Beverly felt… somewhat embarrassed. It had been quite some time since she had allowed herself to be so personal with anyone. Although she preferred to keep herself to herself, being open and vulnerable with Deanna hadn’t been as daunting as she had assumed. Truthfully, it had felt good to talk to someone. So that wasn’t the issue here. Beverly straightened a hypospray on a tray and pursed her lips. No, the issue here was her ever-growing obsession with her and Deanna’s physical intimacy. Goodness, admitting that was embarrassing. She was a grown woman, for crying out loud, and she had been thinking about it all morning. The way Deanna’s arms felt wrapped around her. The way Deanna’s fingers played with her hair. The way Deanna’s chest rose and fell as Beverly laid atop her. It had all been so comforting and pleasant, and it was now _comfortably_ and _pleasantly_ burned into her brain. Beverly wanted to bury her face in her face in her hands, withholding a groan as she adjusted herself a moment later. There weren’t many people in sickbay with her, but the CMO was aware that senior officers were held to a higher standard of professionalism. It wouldn’t do to let her own feelings get in the way of her job. Not that she had much of a job to do at this time with how _barren_ the medical bay was. She knew that it was wrong of her to wish a medical emergency would come up to distract her from these thoughts of Deanna and her physical embrace, but that didn’t stop the idea from crossing Beverly’s mind. She tensed her jaw as her hands made to realign a stray hypo, trying to recount the muscles in a Klingon torso.

_“Doctor Crusher, Captain Picard has requested your presence in the Observation Deck for a meeting with the senior staff,”_ came Data’s voice from her combadge, and Beverly suddenly felt very relieved.

She replied affirmatively, that she would be on her way shortly, and told Nurse Ogawa to “hold down the fort” with an affectionate smile. Alyssa shooed her off with a smile, and Beverly felt very grateful for her nurse as she made her way to the turbolift at the end of the corridor. They worked exceptionally well together, and their friendship was something that Beverly appreciated inside sickbay and outside. Alyssa knew her rather well. The doctor wondered if the nurse had noticed anything odd about her today; could she tell that Beverly’s mind was lightyears away, snuggled into Deanna’s embrace? As the doors of the turbolift slid open and she stepped inside, Beverly thought she ought to be a fool if she truly believed Nurse Ogawa hadn’t noticed anything.

Beverly called out, “Deck one, please,” to the computer and shifted her weight as the floor beneath her feet twitched and the lift began to rise. In the silence of the turbolift, her thoughts slowly waltzed their way back to Deanna and her _oh-so_ comforting embrace. Beverly stuffed her hands into her coat pockets, her shoulders sagging as she recalled the sensation of the empath’s arms around her. It had been so nice. Nicer than Beverly had expected. She thought she could have stayed like that with Deanna for ages, and she nearly did. They had remained in that position for a few hours, even after Beverly had released what had been weighing on her, but Deanna needed to return to her own quarters eventually. The doctor wondered if there would ever be a chance of that happening again; she wondered how to go about even asking for that. Deanna had been the one to suggest “physical affection” the day before, but could Beverly bring herself to _ask for it?_ The woman shook her head as the turbolift came to a halt. Certainly not.

She stepped off the lift and into the corridor of deck one, striding on long legs to the Observation Deck. The door slid open, and Beverly was relieved when she noticed that Geordi and Worf hadn’t made it yet. She disliked being the last one to arrive. Within seconds, Deanna had caught her eye and offered a beautiful, heart-warming smile to the doctor. Beverly returned the smile as she worked to keep her own emotions in check. The seat next to the counselor was empty, and Beverly knew sitting next to the empath, after spending the entire first half of her shift thinking about _said_ empath, could be seen as “a bad move” on her part. Nevertheless, Beverly walked across the room to take the seat next to her friend. Deanna’s smile brightened, and Beverly thought about how lovely she (and her smile) was. Then her friend’s hand rested on top of her own, and Beverly’s heart rate had spiked.

“How are you feeling?” Asked Deanna, and her tone was so soft and considerate. It made Beverly’s own hands want to shake if they hadn’t been lying flat on the armrests.

She blinked. “Better,” the doctor said, trying to match Deanna’s tone with her own voice. It was harder than she expected, but she could hardly hear herself over the thrumming of her own heart. “Much better.”

Deanna’s hand stroked her forearm briefly, and somehow her smile managed to brighten even more. Any touch from Deanna was surely too much, and Beverly’s nerves were already alight under her coat sleeve. “That’s good,” the counselor replied, withdrawing her hand and leaving Beverly aching for it to return. This was getting out of hand. Pun perhaps intended.

There was something she wanted to say to Deanna; it was right on the top of her tongue. Whatever it was, though - whether it was asking for more “physical intimacy” or asking why she was so obsessed and enthralled by it - Beverly couldn’t say. There might have been a chance she would have figured it out if Jean-Luc hadn’t cleared his throat to start the meeting of the senior staff. Deanna cast a curious glance at Beverly, as if she could sense one of the several conflicting emotions within Beverly. The doctor simply met her eyes before turning her attention to Picard. The point of the meeting was to discuss the new order given by Starfleet, peace talks and delegations and such. Beverly was hardly involved in those, but this instance involved the allocation of medical resources from one faction on the planet to another so it was clear she would be required. Beverly looked to Deanna, somewhat pleased she would be working with the empath on something non-trauma related, and as if on cue, her brain filled with thoughts of being held by the woman. Eyes snapping back to Jean-Luc, Beverly’s cheeks when red as she noticed Deanna’s head turn toward her in her peripheral vision.

She straightened her shoulder as Jean-Luc said, “Unfortunately these negotiations will be much more difficult for us than expected.” Everyone made expressions of confusion - everyone beside Deanna, who sat stiffly in her chair. Beverly turned to look at her, the urge to reach out and take her hand very prominent in her mind.

“The Uniaran people have asked that I be excluded from these negotiations because I am an empath,” she said simply, and Beverly nearly missed the way her hand tightened into a slight fist as she spoke. The Betazoid inhaled deeply. “They have also asked to use an empathy dampener while aboard the Enterprise to ensure my abilities won’t be used against them.”

“An empathy dampener?” Will questioned, leaning forward and clasping his hands together. Beverly had been about to ask the same thing. She was vaguely aware of the concept, but that was the extent of her knowledge. 

Deanna nodded. “It’s like a device that emits a frequency that would make it difficult for me to distinguish what exactly I am sensing,” she expanded, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Beverly needed to stop noticing her hands. “Effectively, it would keep me from using my empathy all together.”

Picard opened his mouth to continue, but Beverly couldn’t help but worry. “Is that safe?” She asked, turning her chair to face Deanna’s.

The empath looked to Jean-Luc, who said, “It should be. The Uniarans have assured us there won’t be any lasting effects on our counselor, apart from mild discomfort.”

Protectiveness rose up in Beverly’s chest. She thought to ask that Deanna stay in sickbay until the dampener was turned off, but she knew how much Deanna loathed being in sickbay. But Deanna shouldn’t be working under the proposed conditions of an empathy dampener. Beverly pursed her lips, saying, “Well, I think that Counselor Troi should be given the day off and remain in her quarters until the negotiations are completed. Even if the Uniarans claim she won’t be affected, we don’t know exactly what her reaction will be.”

Picard wanted to say something, but he was then cut off by Data. “I believe Doctor Crusher is right, Captain. As far as we know, Counselor Troi has never been in proximity to an empathy dampener before, and it would be unwise to allow her to work - especially considering it hasn’t been more than two weeks since the temporary loss of her abilities.”

Deanna looked taken aback. “I suppose they do have a point, Captain,” she admitted.

Picard nodded. “Right,” he said. “Make it so.”

The rest of the meeting went smoothly, and Beverly felt somewhat at ease about the situation with the empathy dampener. Of course, she would have preferred a solution that got rid of the machine all together, but as long as Deanna was safe, Beverly felt assured. As the captain continued on, Beverly glanced at her friend and found the woman already looking at her with an affectionate and semi thankful expression. In a swift (and slightly risky) move, Beverly reached over and placed her hand over Deanna’s, stroking the back of it with her thumb. The empath smiled sincerely, and Beverly felt compelled to leave her hand where it was. Although, she didn’t feel brave enough for that and slowly took her hand away. There were no other hitches in the meeting, and soon they were dismissed from the Observation Deck. Beverly stood, realizing her shift was more than likely over now. 

“Are you headed back to sickbay?” Deanna asked, rising to stand beside the doctor.

Beverly shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. Alpha shift is probably finished about now, but I still had a few tests I wanted to run in the lab,” she replied, following the empath. They walked out into the corridor toward the turbo lift, and Beverly felt like they had been in this situation before. Oh, it would be so easy to just ask…

“I have no other meetings scheduled for today,” Deanna said casually as the doors to the lift slid open. “Would you like to join me in my quarters for dinner?”

Beverly smiled happily, nodding and entering the lift as her friend did the same. “I would love to. What time?”

“Deck nine.” Deanna spoke as she linked her arm with Beverly’s and stepped closer, tilting her head up with a smile still on her lips. “I was thinking we could just go now,” she said. “Unless there’s something you need to do.”

Beverly thought that even if there was, she would skip it to spend time with Deanna. “No, I don’t have anything,” she told the empath. “Lead the way.” Deanna’s smile was as brilliant as a sun, and Beverly felt _very_ warm standing next to her. And that meant now was the perfect occasion for her mind to bring up her thoughts of being held by Deanna again. She bristled. Goodness. Before long, the doors of the lift opened and they were off toward Deanna’s quarters, arms still linked. They made small talk, and Beverly was dimly aware of the tension in the way Deanna carried herself. She assumed the empath was more nervous about the dampener than she let on. Of course she was. As soon as they had reached the counselor’s quarters and entered, the doctor watched Deanna’s body language shift, like her guard was physically lowering in front of Beverly.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, repeating what Deanna had asked her only a short while earlier.

Deanna crossed her arms over her chest. “I… don’t know yet,” she said. Offhandedly, she walked to her couch and sat, shaking her head with a self deprecating chuckle. “Everyone’s concern during the meeting was a bit much. It was like one sensation hitting me from all sides.” Beverly felt bad suddenly for overwhelming her friend, which then made her feel ridiculous because how was she supposed to control her emotions when it came to the woman? Deanna shook her head again, then, probably sensing her guilt and offering a weak, soft smile. “I think your concern is the only one I can stand,” she told Beverly before beckoning her over. The doctor approached and sat beside her. Silence fell between the two, and there was a kind of tension in the air, like one of them was meant to _do_ something. Beverly wanted to comfort Deanna; she was very clearly unsettled and worried and conflicted. Beverly felt like it was up to her to ease those feelings. _Maybe…_

Without much thought, she wrapped her arms around Deanna and pulled her close, embracing the woman gently. The empath’s head fell onto her shoulder, and her hands slowly went around Beverly’s waist. The position could be considered an intimate “hug,” but it was awkward to maintain for longer than twenty seconds. Beverly thought she ought to let go at some point, but she wasn’t sure of _when_ to do that. She had no real time to wonder as Deanna had released her waist and was laying herself down, head coming to rest in Beverly’s lap. Beverly was surprised at how swiftly Deanna welcomed physical comfort, and she wondered if Deanna needed this the way Beverly had the day before. Besides, it was only fair Beverly returned the favor to her friend. Slowly, she tangled her fingers in Deanna’s thick mass of black curls, toying with the woman’s hair gently. Deanna closed her eyes and sighed, her face muscles relaxing considerably. Beverly smiled, thinking that Deanna looked truly gorgeous like this. Of course, she was always beautiful (you would have to be daft not to notice that), but this was different from how others saw her. Beverly was lucky to observe this.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” Beverly asserted softly, as one of Deanna’s hands found her own and held it. “But, I am here to listen. If you need me to be.”

Deanna opened her eyes just barely, a simple smile on her lips. “Thank you, Beverly,” she said, inhaling. Beverly smiled and stroked her forehead before returning her free hand to the Betazoid’s hair. They stayed that way for a while, until Beverly’s thighs and feet fell asleep. Not that she dared to tell Deanna that. She would gladly suffer a bit of discomfort for her friend. Deanna laid silently as Beverly played with her hair and caressed her cheek, stilling holding one of her hands, and that sleepy smile stayed on Deanna’s face as she rested. She looked downright adorable. Beverly’s heart was pounding out a samba in her chest at the sight. A distant part of her mind was slightly envious that Deanna hadn’t been as adverse to physical intimacy as Beverly had been, but of course, they were very different women from different planets and cultures. Beverly suddenly thought she didn’t know quite enough about Deanna as she wanted to. That should change.

“Do you want to eat soon?” Beverly asked Deanna softly, nudging her. The woman didn’t respond, eyes still closed. Beverly nudged again, to no avail. Her shoulders sagged as she sighed; the woman was asleep. Smiling, Beverly thought there was no use in waking her yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @ stonktrek


	3. holodeck, part i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha no beta, sorry for abandoning this again but i am TRYING. i feel like this chapter SUCKS but meh

“Hello, sorry I’m so late,” the empath heard from behind her as she was enveloped in a firm embrace. Deanna had been skimming through popular holodeck programs when she sensed Beverly close by, which was soon followed by long, strong arms wrapping around Deanna from behind. She leaned into the hug, a smile swiftly finding her face as she turned her neck just enough to glance at the woman. Beverly wore a smile herself, eyes bright and lovely, and Deanna nearly melted at how serene and comforting the woman’s emotions were. Her mind felt at ease, less burdened already in the last three days; Deanna sincerely basked in the familiar feeling of her friend’s calmness and clarity, her hands finding Beverly’s arm and holding it, her feet rocking them back and forth briefly. The doctor squeezed her tightly before releasing the Betazoid, holding up a basket and saying, “I brought food. Have you decided which program you want?”

Deanna cleared her throat, stepping away from Beverly’s embrace as she returned her gaze to the computer. She shook her head, telling her friend, “Uhm no, I’m torn between the Yunisi hillside scene and the riverside Risa scene.” Beverly leaned over her shoulder, and Deanna could see the woman’s face just out of the corner of her eye. She was very close again, and Deanna found herself holding a breath.

“Those are two good choices,” Beverly stated, standing up straight. “But I'm partial to the hillside scene.”

“Are you?” Deanna questioned with a smile.

“Mhm, but this is your week to choose so don’t mind me,” Beverly replied, placing a hand on Deanna’s shoulder.

A shiver ran up the empath’s spine, and she squared her shoulders and entered the code of the hillside program into the holodeck’s computer. “I couldn’t decide, anyway,” she told Beverly over her shoulder when she felt a spike of endearment in her friend, and the doctor simply rolled her eyes and nudged Deanna’s arm. They waited quietly for the holodeck to finish preparing the program, and Deanna decided quickly to take Beverly’s hand in her own. She felt a wave of emotion from the woman, but it was gone as soon as it had come, leaving Deanna's senses puzzled. She glanced at her friend, wondering what exactly she had just sensed that Beverly felt so inclined to metaphorically sweep under the rug. But then, Beverly was glancing down at her with a smile as the holodeck doors slid open and pulling her inside by their joined hands. Deanna smiled, feeling a bit smitten, before gasping as she took in the program. The Yunisi hillside scene was gorgeous, no wonder Beverly liked it. The tall grass was a pale yellow color and came up to the middle of Deanna’s calves, brushing softly against the exposed skin, and there was a hill only a few meters away that seemed not a bit daunting. It wasn’t too hot, but she didn’t feel cold either. Deanna could feel herself relaxing in this environment.

“Want to spread out here, or climb the hill for a better view?” Beverly asked, gesturing to the basket of food. It would have been easier to spread out the picnic where they stood, but their hands were still clasped and Deanna didn’t quite want to let go of Beverly yet.

So she found herself saying, “Let’s climb the hill.”

Beverly grinned, the light of the simulated sun making her eyes sparkle, and pulled Deanna along, through the tall grass to the hill before them. Their hands remained clasped as they began to trek up the hill, and it wasn’t steep enough to force them to overexert themselves. Deanna found herself focusing on their hands as they climbed, and how nice it felt to be so close to Beverly. As their friendship deepened, she found herself craving a terribly tender intimacy from Beverly, and the Betazoid simply couldn't escape the less-than-friendly feelings she was harboring for the good doctor. It was hard not to feel them when they were together. Beverly was so comforting and sweet, it was all her energy not to get lost in the calming sensations. And now, holding her hand and gazing at the red hair being blown by the wind of the simulation, Deanna could feel those feelings settle in her chest, a distinct weight, and the intensity of it all forced her to close her eyes. Inhaling, Deanna shooed those thoughts from her mind and turned her head out to the field beyond the hill, stopping in her tracks and balking as she took in the beautiful scene. There were two moons and one sun in the sky, which happened to be the loveliest shade of pink (perhaps due to the reddish sun), and there were swirls of clouds in the most brilliant shapes. Deanna squeezed Beverly’s hand, and she could feel Beverly’s amusement, warm and ticklish in her chest.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Beverly said, standing beside Deanna.

The empath nodded. “It’s gorgeous.” Beverly’s smile widened as she shook their joined hands before pulling Deanna along again. The top of the hill was so close, and while Deanna couldn’t wait to sit and begin their lunch, she didn’t feel inclined to release her friend yet. But soon they had reached the very top and stood gazing over the scene before them. Deanna felt Beverly let go of her hand to retrieve the picnic blanket from her basket, spreading it out under the tree that stood atop the hill just as they did. Deanna made to help, removing food and drink from the basket and placing it delicately onto the blanket, and perhaps she placed their meals a little closer together than usual but that was nobody’s business beside her own. She watched Beverly sit down finally, resting her back against the tree, and Deanna followed her lead, sitting beside her friend, shoulder to shoulder. Beverly smiled.

At first, they said nothing, only basking in each other’s presence and the warmth from the sun. Deanna thought about laying her head on Beverly’s shoulder, but she didn’t have the confidence. She sighed, closing her eyes as she leaned against the tree herself. She felt Beverly shift beside her.

“Are you alright?” She heard her friend ask, and Deanna couldn’t help but sigh again.

“No,” she said simply. “But I will be.”

She could sense Beverly’s worry, her soft and vulnerable concern for her friend, even with her eyes closed. “Would you like to talk about it?” The doctor offered, and Deanna had considered that but she wasn’t sure if she knew how to put it. So she shrugged.

“I don’t know what to say,” she replied, and finally she opened her eyes to see Beverly watching her.

The woman clicked her tongue. “I know that feeling,” she said, shaking her head and glancing away. Deanna felt her consider something, but she seemed to come to a decision rather fast. Without warning, Beverly’s arms came to wrap around her chest, pulling her back against the doctor’s front, her head resting on Beverly’s collarbone.

“What are you doing?” Deanna asked with an amused expression as she turned her neck to look at the woman.

Beverly grinned brightly, her eyes closed. “Well, a very wise counselor told me recently that people can find comfort in physical intimacy when they can’t verbalize their feelings,” she answered, and Deanna was touched that Beverly would offer such tender comfort for the second time in as many days. She sunk into the embrace, hands coming to hold Beverly’s.

“You know, I think I said “humans” find comfort in physical intimacy,” she said jokingly, and Beverly cracked one eye to glare at her.

“You’re part human, aren’t you?” She quipped in reply, and it made Deanna chuckle.

She shifted slowly until she was on her side, her cheek to Beverly’s collarbone now, and sheepishly, she wrapped her arms around Beverly’s waist. The position was not dissimilar from how she had held Beverly only days ago, but Deanna was glad to be on the receiving end. Beverly’s arms around her was incredibly comforting, and she thought she could lose herself in just how sweet it all felt. Deanna knew this wasn’t just friendly cuddling for herself; she _liked_ Beverly. She had recognized it only weeks ago, when Beverly forgave her for being so terribly rude after losing her empathy. Deanna knew she more than likely had feelings for the woman well before then, but Beverly’s kindness and softness had made Deanna suddenly very aware of how she felt. Vaguely, she felt Beverly’s arms around her tighten, and Deanna could relate to her need to feel closer. She wanted to be closer. _But how?_ She sat up and away from Beverly, the woman looking at her with confusion for a brief moment before Deanna began to shift. She moved in between Beverly’s legs, resting her cheek once more on her friend’s chest as the woman’s arms came to hold her again. She sighed, this time feeling more at peace than she had this entire week. Beverly chuckled softly, her breath blowing Deanna’s hair.

“I’m fearful to be near the empathy dampener,” she said finally, and saying it aloud felt like a weight being lifted from her shoulders.

“Why?” Beverly egged her on, her firm embrace never wavering.

Deanna glanced up at her. “It - It’s like Data said. It’s hardly been two weeks since I lost my empathy temporarily. I’m worried it will.. _hurt.“_ She bit her lip, cuddling closer. “I don’t know. I don’t want to go through that again, but it seems like I have no other option.”

“Oh Deanna,” Beverly murmured, and she felt one of Beverly’s hands come to stroke her hair.

“I know I’ll be fine,” she said softly, and she sounded like she was trying to reassure herself of that fact. 

Beverly shook her head. “That doesn’t mean what you feel now doesn’t matter, Deanna.” Deanna nodded, and she was very struck by the compassion radiating off of Beverly in this moment. Her eyes watered, and slowly they dripped down her cheeks, collecting at her chin. Beverly noticed not long after. “Oh Deanna,” she whispered, cupping Deanna’s cheeks and wiping her tears. “It’s going to be alright. You are going to be alright.”

“These aren’t sad tears, Beverly,” she managed to mutter in reply, and Beverly gazed at her with confusion. Deanna smiled. “I’m just very glad you're my… friend.” Beverly grinned, once more holding Deanna close. The empath exhaled, closing her eyes as they laid together, but she opened them once more when that strange sensation from Beverly returned. It hadn’t disappeared so quickly this time, and Deanna tried to isolate it, recognize it. It felt like a pressurized feeling in her chest, right between her lungs and her heart, expanding outwardly with every breath Beverly took. It was warm, and fluttery, and within seconds it had expanded to her fingertips. Deanna closed her hands, as if she could hold it, and she again wondered what this feeling was. Did she dare ask Beverly about it? It felt rather calming though, Deanna thought to herself. Perhaps, she mused, closing her eyes again, she would ask if it got to be a problem.

”Hey, don’t go falling asleep on me again,” Beverly whispered in her ear, and Deanna couldn’t help the loud laugh that escaped her. The doctor grinned, nudging her. “We should eat before our time runs out.”

Deanna nodded, sitting up but necessarily moving from her spot in between Beverly’s legs. “Right,” she said, reaching for both of their plates. She passed Beverly’s to her, smiling. “So, tell me about how rehearsals have been.”

Beverly groaned, rolling her eyes. “Don’t get me started,” she said before launching into a rant. Deanna could only smile and eat her lunch as she listened.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos or comment, and expect more chapters of this at some point...?


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